Im at strip club and am horny
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
