u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
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Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
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I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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