I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
