What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
