a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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