Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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