3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
he puts the penis in happiness.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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