I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
