Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
