i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
