It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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