I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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