he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
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There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
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No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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