If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
