Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
