I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
