fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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