I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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