why didn't you poke me back
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
is wine microwaveable?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
