She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
