Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
