I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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