I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
