A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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