she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Hippo gnu deer
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
