and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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