I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
