So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
