so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I have peed in a lot of sinks
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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