I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
