Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
