Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
