the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
