And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
