His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
