there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
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Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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