do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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