i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
it hurts more in the daytime
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
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