8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
