i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I have aggressive nipples.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
