hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
We had to coat check the pizza.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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