went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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