I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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