I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So vagazzling was a success
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
