The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
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