i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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