I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
