I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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