so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
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He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
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Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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