oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
he wants to bone in the snuggie
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
