How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
