Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
