I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
