I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
