Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
