Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
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She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
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I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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