All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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