Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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