I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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