it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
