i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
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