she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
