Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
