batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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