The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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