trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I am mentally ready for anal.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
