I wish i was in the wii world.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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