I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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