WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
