She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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