This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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