quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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