you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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