I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
